Or not.

I came to the very difficult decision last week that I cannot make the trip right now. I have had extreme difficulty in finding someone to rent my house and someone to adopt Max. I had other issues with finances and health, and I finally realized that the timing simply wasn't right.

It took a lot of prayer, a lot of journaling, a lot of tears, and a lot of support from many people for me to recognize this.

So I'm not going to India, yet. The school takes a group of students either to Ecuador or to India every  January, and this coming January is the trip to India. I will be able to transfer my flights to go on this trip, so I don't lose all that money spent on travel, and I'll still get to see India. It won't be the same experience as spending six months there, but it'll be something, and I'll be able to maintain my sanity in the meantime.

I'm disappointed and sad, yes, but I'm also at peace with the decision. It wasn't for lack of trying that things didn't work out. I was so convinced that everything had come together in the beginning because I was meant to go. I've realized since then that almost everything that happened after those first two weeks indicated the timing was wrong, and I just refused to see it. Once I decided it was best for me to regroup and stay here for now, it was like a weight had been lifted from my chest, and I could breath freely again--and it had nothing to do with my asthma. I know it's the right thing for me, right now.

There are other exciting things coming up in my life. I'm looking forward to seeing what comes next. I have been working hard on seeking new experiences and pushing my boundaries in all kinds of ways. India will have to wait, but there's a whole lot of other wonderful things in store.

Now I just have to hope I can get a decent field placement. I really don't want to do school social work....